The Lizard & The Monkey
One day, A lizard was walking down a path in th...
Turtle Jokes
I hate when I'm trying to sleep at night
But my ADHD's all like:
One Sheep...
Two Sheep...
The intelligent turtle Going to Bring A Soda
Once there were three turtles. One day they dec...
Three turtles walk into a bar...
One of the turtles goes over to a piano and sta...
Turtle + Porcupine
= Slowpoke
A drunk walks into a pet store
. . . and leans heavily on the counter. "Gimmie...
A mugged turtle..
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged ...
How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?
They conducted an in-turtle investigation.
What did the snail say when he rode a turtle?
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I'll see myself out.
I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so ...
My daughter wanted me to treat her like a princess
So I let her get stolen by a giant, mutant turtle.
A turtle and a centipede
A turtle and a centipede are living together.
...
A guy goes to a fancy dress party with his girlfriend on his back....
When asked what he has come as he tells everyon...
Mom, have you seen my turtle?
Your friends took it outside to play. They're c...
Where can you find a turtle that has no legs?
Exactly where you left it.
Three turtles go on a picnic
Three turtles packed their picnic basket full o...
What's green and has four wheels?
A turtle. I was lying about the wheels
Once there were three turtles
Once there were three turtles. One day they dec...
What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell?
Ereptile dysfunction
What did one turtle say to the other eel?
hahaha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Why are turtles dangerous in China ?
Because they can turtle you.
What did the dolphin say when he ran into the sea turtle?
"Sorry, I didn't do it on porpoise."
In my past life I was a turtle...
It is all slowly coming back to me.
Do you think the writers for all the teenage mutant ninja turtle movies had trouble deciding if Krang should be in them?
Because I think it must have been a no brainer