Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've had an accident!
Doctor: The restrooms are down the hall.
What did the old tornado use to walk?
A hurri-cane!
What's the strongest shellfish?
A mussel!
What kind of fish do you find in a mine?
A goldfish!
Why did the puck glue itself to the ice?
It saw the hockey stick!
Where do you find tomatoes?
On toma-feet!
Why did the chicken go to school?
To get an eggucation!
Why was the piece of steel mean?
He was hard-hearted!
What happened to the musicians who tried to shoplift from a convenience store?
They were band for life!
What did the bell say to the loud man?
It tolled him to be quiet!
How did the boat know it had a leak?
It had a sinking feeling...
What gem can you burn yourself on?
A sapph-fire!
What gem is always clean?
A soapal!
What's the coldest part of the North Pole?
The snow!
Which fruit is microscopic?
A banano!
Why did everyone avoid the cow?
He was in a bad moo-d!
What did the steak say to the salami?
Nice to meat you!
Why was the boat's price half off?
Because it was on sail!
Which country is the sickest?
Germ-any!
Who was the cleanest U.S. President?
George Wash-ington!
What do you call someone who prefers white rice to brown rice?
Ricist!
Which bug is worth a penny?
A cent-ipede!
What do you call a sad fruit?
Meloncholy!
Which U.S. president was a chicken?
Theodore Roostervelt!
What do you call forks and knives who serve a rich family?
Butlery!
Why was the bucket worried about her friend?
He looked a little pail!
How did the hay get out work?
He baled!
What do you call a line of canoes?
A row!
What kind of bird builds skyscrapers?
A crane!
What kind of mammal is used in pastries?
A doe!
I'm severely allergic to bees...whenever I go near one, I break out in hives!
What do you call an Islamic insect?
A mosque-ito!
It pains me to admit it, but whenever I speak, my throat hurts!
What kind of crevice can swim?
A fish-sure!
Why didn't the bag tell her friend about her problems?
They were purse-onal!
How did the hammer contact his friend?
With e-nail!
When does a lord wake up?
Earl-y!
What did the orange do when he was told a joke?
He burst into peels of laughter!
How do you steer a weather horse?
With rains!
(That's all I could find. My sense of humour was top notch at 11.
EDIT: I assure you I did make these up, whether you believe it or not. More than one person can make obvious puns!)
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