Funny

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
Papa Boner.

What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said, "You should have asked me last night, it was at the tip of my tongue."

What has got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog!

What kind of bees produce milk?
Boobies.

What do you call an Afghan virgin?
Mever bin laid on.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A lickalotopuss.

When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?
When he is standing next to your miss telling her her hair smells nice.

Why did Tigger lok in the toilet?
Because he was looking for Pooh.

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
Ate something.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist!

If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
Three feet of my cock up your ass.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down - and possibly use a lubricant.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

What's the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
They both suck for four quarters.

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
The grass tickles their balls.

What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that
25 year old doesn't?
Her navel.

What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens!

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

When does a cub become a boy scout?
When he eats his first Brownie.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

How do you tell if a chick is to fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them.

What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What do u call a bunny with a bent dick?
FUCKS FUNNY.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

What's 6 inches long and starts with a p?
........... a shit (think about it).

Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.

What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!

What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day and anal sex makes your whole weak.

Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair back she looks 15..

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

What's black, white, and red all over and doesn't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head.

Why are pubic Hairs so curly?
So they don't poke her eye out.

What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.

Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.

What's long hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.

What's long, hard and erects stuff?
A crane!

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives.
Drinking licking sucking fucking and wanking.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
At least a zit waits until you're a teenager before it cums on your face!

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
Very satisfying.

What's thirty feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at a nursing home.

What is the square root of 69?
Ate something.

But do you know what 6.9 is?
A good thing screwed up by a period.

What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

What does a Rubick's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it the harder it gets.

What do you called an anorexic bitch with yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.

A recent survey shows that sperm banks beat blood banks in contributions...HANDS DOWN!

Your mom's like a old cooker; any old nob can turn her on.

If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting? You choose.

What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
I can't get a hard-on because I was just laid.