Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other
side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat
that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that.


KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the
behest of the President of the United States of America in an
effort todistractlaw enforcement officials and the American
public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official
has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just
another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to
obstruct justice an undermine the rule of law. For that reason,
my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity
provided he cooperates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the
other side of the road until our investigation and any


Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.(We
also are investigatingwhetherSid Blumenthal has leaked
information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to
be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the
bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)


PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent,hardworking American. Dr. Suses:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not
been told!


ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question.


GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was
good enough for us.


ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.


SADDAM HUSSAIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.


RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?


CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?


FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.


BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable
part of eChicken.


EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?


BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken. Could you define chicken please?


LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken
crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him
down.


THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.


COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?