TO ALL EMPLOYEES - FOUL LANGUAGE AT WORK

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout
the company have been using foul language during the course of normal
conversation with their co-workers. due to complaints received from some
employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer
tolerated. we do however, realize the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. therefore,
a list of "try saying" phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of
ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of
offending our more sensitive employees.


try saying: perhaps i can work late.
instead of: and when the f*** do you expect me to do this?


try saying: i'm certain that isn't feasible.
instead of: no f****** way.


try saying: really?
instead of: you've got to be s******* me!


try saying: perhaps you should check with...
instead of: tell someone who gives a s***.


try saying: of course i'm concerned.
instead of: ask me if i give a s***.


try saying: i wasn't involved in the project.
instead of: it's not my f****** problem.


try saying: that's interesting.
instead of: what the f***?


try saying: i'm not sure this can be implemented.
instead of: this s*** won't work.


try saying: i'll try to schedule that.
instead of: why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?


try saying: are you sure this is a problem?
instead of: who the hell cares?


try saying: he's not familiar with the issues.
instead of: he's got his head up his ass.


try saying: excuse me, sir?
instead of: eat s*** and die.


try saying: so you weren't happy with it?
instead of: kiss my ass.


try saying: i'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
instead of: f*** it, i'm on salary.


try saying: i don't think you understand.
instead of: shove it up your ass.


try saying: i love a challenge.
instead of: this job sucks.


try saying: you want me to take care of that?
instead of: who the hell died and made you boss?


try saying: i see.
instead of: blow me.


try saying: yes, we really should discuss it.
instead of another f****** meeting!


try saying: i don't think this will be a problem.
instead of: i really don't give a s***.


try saying: he's somewhat insensitive. who does this remind you of
instead of: he's a prick.


try saying: she's an aggressive go-getter.
instead of: she's a ball-busting bitch.


try saying: i think you could use more training.
instead of: you don't know what the f*** you're doing.