The Top 14 Signs Your Neighbor is Preparing a Y2K Bunker

14> He keeps asking if your daughters are "good breeding stock."

13> Her excuse for running over your dog? "There was a freeze-dried ice cream sale at Wal-Mart."

12> You catch him throwing cans of Spam into what you thought was an old tree stump.

11> Asks if you know anyone who would like five thousand bags of topsoil.

10> Turret with gun barrel now poking up from his kid's sandbox.

9> Fido's been getting into their flower bed for years, but this is his first land mine detonation.

8> He's throwing a New Years Eve party for "all fertile women ages 18-35."

7> What looks like a cement truck is now filling her empty pool with pork 'n' beans.

6> For weeks, he's been trying to develop a taste for his own urine.

5> Shows you her new cookbook, "450 Recipes for Rice-a-Roni."

4> Says he's building a wine cellar -- but the trucks are delivering malt liquor and Ripple.

3> Says his new shotgun is for "keeping mutants away from the womenfolk."

2> Abandons his Noah's Ark Recreation project and to slaughter and salt-cure the pairs of animals instead.

1> "Kidnap a Hooters waitress and repopulate the Earth" seems like an odd New Year's resolution.

[ The Top 5 List ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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