11. Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo meets Teller" routine is bombing, you realize you're doing a radio show.
10. Social status one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.
9. People always asking, "Ooh, do you know Adam Sandler?"
8. Wizenheimer's Syndrome
7. You laugh on the outside, but inside harbor a bitter resentment toward people who have enough money for food.
6. Instead of crow's-feet, you get punchlines.
5. Have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get rid of "the shakes."
4. The grandkids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.
3. Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of decades.
2. You live in constant fear that your friends will discover your inflatable Ernie Kovacs doll.
1. Everything tastes funny.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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