Journalism

Jon Snow: "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?"


Expert: "Er, yes."


(Channel 4 News)


"As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other."


(John Sleightholme - BBC1)


"If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."


(Jimmy Hill - BBC)


"Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names."


(Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3)


"Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."


(Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine)


"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."


(Metro Radio Sports Commentary)


Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."


simon Fanshawe: "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?"


(Talk Radio)


Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"


15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."


(BBC Radio 4)


Presenter (to palaeontologist): "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"


Expert: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth.


Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"


Expert: "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."


(GLR)


Kilroy-Silk: "Did you mean to get pregnant?"


Girl: "No. It was a cock-up."


Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that!"


Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that."


(BBC)