Joining the Church

Three couples wanted to join the Catholic Church: an elderly
couple, a middle-aged couple, and a young, newly-married couple.
The parish priest held an interview session to determine the
worthiness of each couple. He began with this lecture: "The
Catholic Church prizes abstinence as a virtue. In order to be
eligible to join the Church, you will be required to abstain
from sexual relations for one week." He observed their
reactions: The older looked at each other fondly and smiled; the
middle-aged man breathed a sigh of relief, while the woman shot
him a dirty look; both the young newlyweds broke out in a cold
sweat and trembled. The priest noted this and told the six
hopefuls: "I want to speak with you all a week from today, same
time, to check on your progress." The couples all left his
office.


One week later, the three couples returned, and once again met
in the priest's office. The priest greeted them all, saying
"Welcome back, my children! I trust you did not have too much
difficulty with this test." The elderly man just laughed. "No,
not a bit of difficulty, Father!" His gray-haired wife leaned
toward the priest and whispered "Earl lost his manly functions
twenty years ago; I'm relieved that that part of my wifely duty
is finished!" The priest smiled, shook hands with both of them
and said "Congratulations! You have proven yourselves worthy of
the Catholic Church!"


He turned to the middle-aged couple and asked "How about you
two?" The man hung his head; the woman replied, "It wasn't easy.
James is going through a midlife crisis and staring at porno
magazines. I'm hitting my sexual peak and reached for my dildo a
few times, but we stayed strong." The priest shook his head. "It
seems to me this may be a hard adjustment for you to make. I
will allow you to join the church on probationary conditions."


Then he turned to the young couple, who looked very
uncomfortable. "And you, my children?" The girl burst into
tears; the boy hung his head. "Well?" insisted the priest. The
boy spoke up. "Well, Father, we were okay for the first 2 days.
But on the third day, my wife wore those little shorts that
drive me nuts. We tried to ignore the sinful urges, but we just
couldn't fight it. I bent her over the meat freezer and took her
then and there." The priest frowned and shook his head. "I'm
sorry, but you two are not welcome in the Catholic Church. The
girl sobbed, "We're not welcome in the supermarket either!"