Daffy Definitions

The Washington Post published a contest for readers
in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings
for various words.


The following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you
have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks
you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed
by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.