A guy dies and goes to Hell.

He's extremely upset upon finding out where he's going, but Satan says, "Hey! Hey! Don't worry about it! Actually we get a lot of bad press. Really, it's not so bad. For example, do you like to drink?"

"Well, yeah," says the man.

"Great! You're going to love Mondays! All we do is drink. Every kind of liquor. Beer, wine, rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, champagne, all the best stuff. It's all free, and you can drink as much as you want, and you get all buzzed but you never get sick and you never get a hangover, because you're already dead!"

"Wow! Cool!" says the fellow, who's a little bit happier.

"Do you like to eat?" says Satan.

"Well, of course," says the man.

"Well, you're going to love Tuesdays. On Tuesdays all we do is gorge ourselves. There's a huge buffet, of all the best kinds of food - turkey, venison, caviar, salmon, -- and let's not even talk about the desserts! And you never get overstuffed, and you never get fat, because you're already dead!"

"Is that ever great!" says the man.

"Oh, it gets better! Do you like to gamble?" says Satan.

"Well, I've been to a few casinos in my time..." says the man.

"Well, you're going to love Wednesdays! All we do is gamble. Roulette, poker, blackjack, baccarat, horse racing, everything, and you never run out of money!"

"Holy cow!" says the man.

"That's nothing! Do you like to take drugs?"

"Sure!" says the man.

"Well, you're going to love Thursdays! All we do is do drugs, all day. The best bud you've ever had, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, crystal meth, anything you want, and you never have a bad trip, and you never get addicted, because hey, you're dead!"

"Wow!" says the guy, who's completely enthused.

"That's not the end of it!" says the Devil. "Are you gay?"

"What?" says the man. "No, I'm not gay."

The devil's face falls. "Well then, you're not gonna like Fridays."