The Top 16 Signs You're Eating a 25-Year-Old Happy Meal


16> The burger and fries taste about the same, but the Tab's a bit flat.15> The environment-proof packaging doubles as wall insulation.14> Your prize? A Jimmy Carter figure with Hustle-Action Hips!13> Mayor McCheese doesn't yet show the ravaging effects of his crack habit.12> That Daisy Duke on the box sure looks like a purty girl. But then so do Bo and Luke.11> The loogie hocked in the burger smells of Billy Beer.10> The burger is served *with* a bun, in blatant disregard for your child's carb intake.9> It tastes like Norman Fell.8> The Farrah Fawcett mini-poster that came with it shows no discernible traces of irony or sarcasm.7> When you place your order, the guy behind the counter yells, No Coke. Pepsi!6> The included toy is hand-carved from real wood and can be fully enjoyed even if you haven't seen the movie.5> The condiments include salt, pepper, ketchup and sweet, sweet cocaine.4> The fries are cold as ice... they're willing to sacrifice your love.3> The Michael Jackson trading card inside has some black guy on it.2> You broke a French fry in half and counted the grease rings.1> The collectible Gary Coleman trading card draws your attention to the real Gary Coleman working the grill in the back. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

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