15> After the prom, he insists on taking you to the top of the Empire State Building.
14> Instead of leaving it in the dumpster, carries her newly delivered baby to the top of the nearest fake palm tree and flings it into the horror-stricken crowd.
13> The evening ends in the ER after she tries to peel your erection.
12> Pins the corsage to your lapel with her feet.
11> Arrives to pick you up on a unicycle.
10> Day job is as typist in office with 999,999 other playwrights.
9> His apish hooting and chair throwing have offended even Bobby Knight.
8> Insists you call him Doctor Zaias.
7> Just as you're about to let him get to second base during the slow dance, Charlton Heston bursts in and screams, "Get your paws off her, you DAMN DIRTY APE!!"
6> Tux? Check.
Corsage? Check.
Diaper and roller skates? Uh-oh.
5> Keeps threatening people with "Just wait until my next bowel movement!"
4> Ends the evening early by saying, "I'm sorry, Pongo, but I promised Mrs. Goodall I'd have you back by Midnight."
3> It takes ten chaperones waving shiny objects to get her down from the scoreboard.
2> When the DJ played "Shock The Monkey," he curled into a fetal position and screamed, "I'M NOT GOING BACK!"
1> You have your assistant Jim loosen her up with tranquilizer darts before the big slow dance.
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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