The 12 days of Christmas Letdown

The first day after ChristmasMy true love and I had a fightAnd so I chopped the pear tree downAnd burnt it, just for spiteThen with a single cartridgeI shot that blasted partridgeMy true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.The second day after ChristmasI pulled on the old rubber glovesAnd very gently wrung the necksOf both the turtle dovesMy true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.On the third day after ChristmasMy mother caught the croupI had to use the three French hensTo make some chicken soupThe four calling birds were a big mistakeFor their language was obsceneThe five golden rings were completely fakeand turned my fingers green.The sixth day after ChristmasThe six laying geese wouldn't laySo I sent the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A.On the seventh day, what a mess I foundThe seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned(I think there's a "my true love gave to me" in here somewhere)The eighth day after ChristmasBefore they could suspectI bundled up theEight maids-a-milkingNine ladies dancingTen lords-a-leapingEleven pipers pipingTwelve drummers drumming - well, actually I kept one of the drummers -And sent them back collectI wrote my true love"We are through, love!"And I said in so many words"Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the(Soprani) Birds!"(Everyone else) Four calling birds,Three french hens,Two turtle dovesAnd a partridge in a pear tree!"