Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!

And for the Main Course
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46
teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.


Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a
police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead
and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find
his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked
to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his
skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire
in to try and find the missing brain.


Have I Got a Deal for You!
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship
badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight
to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space
travelers were told to spend their next vacation on Mars, amid
the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a
Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible
Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the
views. Trips to the moon also available. "Authorities believe
that the con men running this scam made off with over six
million dollars.


Too Well-Educated
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed
his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are
too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen
another field, all this may not have happened."


And Sometimes They Just Make It Too Easy
Los Angeles Police lucked out with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked
each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your
money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"


...Ouch, That Smarts!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye
pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his
Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down
the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was
seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike
Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police
have the man's charred trousers in custody.


Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted.
"This is her husband!"


Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket. Hmmm...wonder what he
uses for a knife?