Silly Signs

Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
Bargain basement upstairs.
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
Horse manure per pre-packed bag do-it-yourself.
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
This is the gate of heaven. enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.
Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also.
Slow cattle crossing. no overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.
Elephants please stay in your car.
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left.