Russian jokes

— Why Russians take Americans to space flights?
— It is necessary that at the time of landing at least someone would be sober.
***
In Soviet times, Ded Moroz* fetched the bad behaved children list to Stalin.
* Russian Santa Claus
***
At the initiative of Russian parents in children’s economic game «Monopoly» added bribe.*
* Bribe is a common way to solve problems in Russia.
***
Grandson makes soundproofing. Nearby stands his grandfather.
Grandson:
— I wonder if 2 inches of insulation enough? Probably not. My neighbor is too noisy. I’ll have to put 4 or 6 inches. Hey granny, how did you used to do soundproofing?
Grandfather:
— I used to write letters to the NKVD!*
*NKVD is the name of KGB at Stalin time. Noisy neighbors used to b
***
— Have you heard the news that Putin have broke the arm?!
— Whose arm?
***
— Private Ivanov! I order you to peel a bucket of potatoes.
— In our Internet age, it’s time to have a machine to clean potatoes — grumbled Ivanov.
— Of course. And you, private Ivanov, is the latest model!*
*It’s true. In Russian army one private can manually peel up to 3,5 tonnes of potato per day. It makes Russian army invincible.
***
U.S. image of the USSR in the 70’s.
— Sit and eat!
— Let’s drink vodka!
— Mom, may I go play balalaika, read Lenin and milk a bear?
— Yes you may and don’t forget give us away to KGB.
— Dad, where is granny?
— He stays in line for coupons on coupons.
— Dear, it’s getting hot here. Please turn off nuclear reactor.
— Shut up, Natasha. Let’s drink vodka!
— Dad, I’ve wrote essay «For Lenin I’m ready to decay on mines»
— Good job, Sergei. Let all class drink vodka!*
* Yes, it seems very exaggerated now. But why don’t you review some 80’s US movies such as Red Heat with California governor playing russian police officer. You can find some good clich? there…