You might be a redneck if...You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q. Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet. You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog. You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower. You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass. On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part. You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won't ask for them again.You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart. You think Hamlet is on the McDonald's breakfast menu. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.Your dad says, "Let's hit the road for dinner," and then grabs a shovel. You ever called your sister "Mom" and didn't have to correct yourself. The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses. Your old car is now considered the main storage unit. Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
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