List Of THE MOST Terrible Jokes i have ever found!

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"

My house wears clothing you know, it has address!

I am so disgusting, even my nose smells.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

WHATS GREEN AND HAS WHEELS? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

What's furry and has wheels? A cat, I lied about the wheels

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?". The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community!

Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?

Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human.

Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

What did the homeless man get for christmas?

Nothing.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer".

Why did the little girl fall off the swings?

She had no arms.

Why did the little girl fall off the swings?

She had no arms.

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am a dog.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What has two legs, and is red all over?

Half a cat.

I like my coffee like my women.

Without a penis.

A man goes to see the doctor.
"Doctor everything hurts when I touch it"
"hmm, let me see. Touch your arm, does that hurt?"
"yes doctor."
"Now when you touch your knee, does that hurt as well?"
"Ouch, yes that hurts too"
"Now if you touch your chest, how's that?"
"It hurts just as much doctor."
"Just as I thought: your finger's broken."

What did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A buck an ear

What's green and brown, has six legs and will kill you if it jumps out of a tree on you?
A snooker table.

Did you hear about the brooms? They're sweeping the nation!

Have you heard about that movie "Constipation?"
It hasn't come out yet.

How about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

How about the really constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a calculator.

It reminds me of something my grandfather said right before he kicked the bucket...
He said "how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Two parrots sat on a perch. One says to the other: "Can you smell fish?"

...and the penguin says,"he's not an eggplant, he's retarded!"

"A fish is swimming along and runs into another fish. 'Dumb bass' the fish mutters."


Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.

Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere

You cannot eat me unless you spread me. -Butter

What did one Lawyer say to the other Lawyer? "Were both Lawyers."

Whats red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon

You cannot eat me unless you lick me. -Ice-cream

You cannot taste me, until you undress me. -Banana