John wants to start bear hunting, so he goes to his local gun shop...

"I want to bear hunt." Says John, "But I don't know where to go. Any tips?" He asks the man at the counter.

"Well, I have heard of this one ridge where there is always a bear every day at 2pm. You are gonna need a good gun though because he is massive."

"Ok, give me that 30-06. That should do it." John buys the gun and leaves the store and the next day heads out to the ridge and scans the valley below. At 2pm a huge bear wanders into his binoculars. "There he is! I'm gonna get him!" John sets down the binos and picks up his rifle. He looks through the scope into the valley but doesn't see the bear. "Hmm. Thats strange." Just then he feels a tap on his shoulder. He lowers the rifle and looks behind him. He gasps in fear as he sees the bear standing over him. "What do we have here?" Says the bear. "Looks like a free lunch."

"Oh please don't eat me says John. I will do anything."

"Well..." The bear says, "There is one thing. You have to let me fuck you in the ass. Then I will let you go."

"Um...ok. Just don't eat me." Says John.

The bear fucks him and lets him leave. John is so angry that the next day he goes back to the gun shop and tells them he needs a bigger gun and that he is going to get that damn bear.

"Give me that 7mm rifle!" John buys the rifle and the next day goes to the ridge. Scanning with the binos he sees the bear again!

"Got you now!" He whispers to himself.

He shoulders the rifle, looks the scope, and the bear is gone again. "What the hell?" He thinks. Just then a tap on his shoulder startled him. He turns around in shock to see the bear there standing over him again.

"Back again I see." Says the bear. "What will it be this time? Do I eat you or fuck you?"

"Fuck me," John grumbles under his breathe.

So the bear fucks him again and lets him go. The next day he is so furious that he returns to the gun shop again.

"I want the biggest weapon you have here!" John screams at the salesman. "I'm gonna get that fucking bear!"

"Ok, well, its not really legal but we have this RPG in the back. Be careful though because we only have one rocket," says the clerk.

The next day, John returns to the ridge determined to kill the bear. He looks through the binos for the bear, locating him near some trees.

"This time you are mine!" John whispers to himself. He grabs the RPG, aims into the valley, but no bear. Again he feels a tap on his shoulder. Hanging his head, John turns around to see the bear there again smiling at him.

The bear says, "You ain't here for the hunting are you boy..."