There was a mature gentleman wandering around in a supermarket calling out in intervals, "Crisco, Cris-co!!!"
Finally a store clerk approached, "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 5."
"Oh," replied the gentleman, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco. I'm calling my wife."
"Your wife is named 'Crisco'?"
"No," he answered, "I only call her that when we come to the supermarket."
"Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?"
"Lard Ass!!!!!"
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