... and they set up ads and posters saying they'll pay anyone that can turn into a rock five billion million gajillion dollars. Keep in mind that they are trolling.
Anyway, nobody believes them, except for one very gullible man.
The man then proceeds to do *everything* he can in an attempt to become a rock. He injects himself with ground-up rock dust, shoves boulders up his ass, and replaces his femur with a rock somehow.
Anyway, he can't turn into a rock, and he is very disappointed. He sighs and goes to the Golden Gate Bridge, ready to jump off and kill himself because he didn't manage to become a rock.
Then, just before jumping, he had a brilliant idea.
He could simply lie about being a rock!
So the man immediately went to church and prayed to Jesus to forgive him for the lie he was about to tell. Jesus forgave him, or so he thought.
After this, the man gave the head priest a kidney and a piece of his intestines as thanks.
Anyway, the man quickly ran home, stripped naked, and painted himself brown.
He now looked like a rock!^not
After consuming some rocks to change his internal organs into rocks, the man went off to the legit scientific laboratory of legit science.
When he got there, he ran inside, killed the security guards for good measure, and went into the science room.
When he got in, he started jiggling his naked body around and dancing like a homo, which irritated the scientists.
"Who the fuck are you?!", a scientist said.
"I'm the man who's gonna get five billion million gajillion bucks coz I turned into a rock!", said the man, still dancing.
"What...?", a confused scientist said.
"You owe me five billion million gajillion dollars because I became a fucking rock, fuckas!", the man said.
"No, you retard! That was just a joke! Besides, it's impossible for a human being to become a rock, you fucktard!", said the head scientist.
"B-but I became a rock, I really did...", said the man, who was still dancing but with a pout on his face.
"NO, YOU DIDN'T! YOU ARE NOT A ROCK!", another scientist said.
"I am, I *pumise*!", said the man.
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