Great to Be a Guy

Reasons it's great to be a guy:


- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.


- Movie nudity is virtually always female.


- A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.


- You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.


- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.


- You can open all your own jars.


- Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained
weight.


- Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.


- When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at
every shot of somebody crying.


- All your orgasms are real.


- You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere
you go.


- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.


- Your last name stays put.


- You can leave the hotel bed unmade.


- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.


- Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.


- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.


- Wedding plans take care of themselves.


- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can
still be your friend.


- You don't have to shave below your neck.


- None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.


- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.


- If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.


- You can write your name in the snow.


- Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.


- Chocolate is just another snack.


- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.


- Flowers fix everything.


- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.


- Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.


- You can eat a banana in a hardware store.


- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a
room.


- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.


- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.


- You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without
ever thinking "He must be mad at me".


- The world is your urinal.


- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.


- One mood, all the time


- You never have to drive on to another gas station because this
one's just too skeevy.


- You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.


- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.


- You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment.


- Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.


- You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.


- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's
population in 15 tries, at least in theory.


- You don't mooch off others' desserts.


- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.


- The remote control is yours and yours alone.


- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.


- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a
littlegift.


- Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.


- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.


- You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.


- You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the
bathroom.


- If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't
tell your other friends you've changed.


- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.


- You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw
it."


- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you
just might become lifelong buddies.


- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice
anything different?"


Things that suck about being a guy:


- The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.


- External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.


- Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood
chipper, you're not allowed to cry.


- Ribbed for her pleasure - not yours.


- You have to wear ties.


- You can't flirt your way out of a jam.


- "Women and children first."