From:Osama To: The Guys Re: The Cave

From: Bin Laden, Osama


To:Cavemates


Subject:The cave


Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've
really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to
Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team"
as well as the one that says "Hang in there, baby." That cat is
hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't
forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few
concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise
missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions
in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I,
so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet
near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I
do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth,
okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride
your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping.
Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by
edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need
everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're
all in this together.
Fourth:food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly
wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today,
my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in
disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up
patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed,
Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots. Osama.
P.S. If it looks like I'm going to be captured, kill me. Hugs!
ObL