Every day I give thanks to the Goddess...

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass


I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don't drive in circles at any cost
So I don't have to admit when I am lost
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john


Let me tell you men
Listen to me boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more than we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickle dill


I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you're two hours late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score
I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I am assertive
Don't call me a bitch


I don't wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don't go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don't cheat at poker
I follow the rules


I don't smoke cigars
Don't pay for drinks at bars
I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"
And it's o.k. for me to cry


I know all you men
Think that you're "IT"
But compared to a woman
You just ain't Shit!