Democrat Jokes

Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one, but it really gets screwed.


Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?

A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.


Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.


Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?

A: Change.


Q: Why can't John Kerry tell a joke?

A: Because all the botox keeps him from smiling!


Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?

A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.


Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.


Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?

A: Vultures will eat the skunk.


Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?

A: You don't. They're born that way.


Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?

A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.


Q: What's worse than Bill Clinton calling you a womanizer?

A: Marc Foley calling you a pervert!


Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?

A: Chelsea.


Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?

A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.


Q: What do you call Al Gore's drumming?

A: An algorithm.


Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?

A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.


Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?

A: Elvis has been sighted.


Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?

A: Because deep down, they're really good people.


Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?

A: A whine cellar.


Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax?

A: After it reaches 95%


Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

A: An algorithm!


Q: What is a Democratic Free Market?

A: One that hands out slices of cheese


Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet?

A: A free for all.


Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?

A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.


Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?

A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.


Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal?

A: Thirty minutes of begging.


Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals?

A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!


Q: Why did God create Democrats?

A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.


Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?

A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?


Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!


Q: What is the difference between a liberal ass-kisser and a brown-noser?

A: Depth perception.


Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?

A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.


Q: What the difference between a Liberal and the rear end of a horse?

A: I don't know either.


Q: How do Democrats talk about Republican foreign policy?

A: By saying the word "Conspiracy" over and over again


Q: What's the definition of a Liberal running for Congress for the first time?

A: A mouse trying to become a rat.


Q: There is a Red House on the right and blue house on the left where is the White House?

A: in Washington DC


Q: How do you know you're a Democrat?

A1: You think poverty can be abolished.

A2: You admire the Swedish welfare system

A3: You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock

A4: After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."

A5: You still own something that says "Dukakis for President,"


If pro is the opposite of con then is progress the opposite of congress?

Member of Clinton's Cabinet: "Hurry up Mr. Clinton, we are about to have a huge meeting on foreign policy with hundreds of world leaders!"

Clinton: "Hold on a second, let me finish having sex with someone whose not my wife"


**Funeral**

A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.

"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal?

Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"


**Genie**

A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter".

So the genie made him a Republican.


**Light Bulb**

If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen?

The first one would say its causing global warming,

The second one would say its racist,

The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.