Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chicken."

What do you call a fat cow with a terrible personality? My ex girlfriend.

What is the proper term for a pregnant cow? Also my ex girlfriend.

Whoaa Nellie, that escowlated quickly.

Growing up in rural Texas, we had to find ways of entertain ourselves as kids. We used to sneak into local shops and businesses after hours and rearrange things, or play games with the merchandise. One night, we broke into the town butchery. After several minutes of throwing knives at the wall, my attention turned to the ceiling. There, right above our heads, hung the freshly butchered carcass of a full grown cow. My buddy nudged me in the side and said, "Hey, I betchya two dolla' that you can't rip off one of them cow legs."

I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, Rick, but the steaks are too high."

Another time, we all went out cow tipping. We dressed up in black, and made our way to farmer Dalton's ranch. I went first to do the tipping. After hopping the fence, I snuck up real quiet to the first bull (a big fella', mind you)... took my hands out of my pocket... and tossed fifty cents into the jar labeled "GRATUITIES ACCEPTED" that lay on the ground next to him.