A Jury of His Peers

At the zoo one spring morning, a man jumped a fence, ran over to a goat, pulled down his pants, and began to have his way with the goat. When he finished, the goat licked his crotch. The man was immediately arrested and taken to jail, where he was given his one phone call. The man called his longtime friend. The friend said, “Listen, I’ve never met a more disgusting human being in my life, but I’ll find you a lawyer.”

The friend gave the man three options. The first attorney was the best one money could buy, but incredibly expensive. The man chose not to hire him because of his cost. The second attorney was good, but still pricey. The man thought he was also too expensive. The friend then presented the third option, attorney Martin Goldstein of Goldstein, Goldstein & Leibowitz, who wasn’t a good attorney, but was great at jury selection. Eager to save money, the man decided to hire Goldstein. The two met, and Goldstein assured the man that he would be tried by a jury of his peers.

A few months later, the man’s trial was underway. The zookeeper was testifying and being cross-examined by the prosecutor. “Do you recognize anyone who was at the zoo on the morning of April 17th?” asked the prosecutor. “Sure,” said the zookeeper. “Can you point him out?” asked the prosecutor. The zookeeper pointed to the defendant.

“Was this man at the zoo on the morning of April 17th?” asked the prosecutor. “Of course,” said the zookeeper. “And did this man have sexual intercourse with a goat?” asked the prosecutor. “He did indeed,” said the zookeeper. “Can you describe what the man did?” asked the prosecutor. “Well,” began the zookeeper, “the man jumped the fence, pulled down his trousers, inserted his penis into the back of the goat, and finished.” “And then what happened?” asked the prosecutor. “Then the goat licked his genitals,” said the zookeeper.

In the jury box, one juror turned to another and whispered “Now THAT’s a sign of a good goat.”