He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, his pet monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps onto a billiards table and swallows a pool ball.
The bartender screams at the man, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my table--whole!"
"Sorry," the man apologized, "He eats everything in sight. I'll pay for it all." He finishes his drink and leaves.
A few weeks later, the man returns to the bar with his monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey, again, starts jumping around.
He picks up a maraschino cherry off the bar. He shoves it up his ass then eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what he just did!"
The man replies, "he still eats everything in sight, but since he ate that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.