When I was a kid we were so poor...
If I didn't wake up at christmas with a hard-on...
Religion Jokes
A young couple is having their first christmas together and they're cooking a turkey.
Just before they put the turkey in the oven the...
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for christmas...
... and she told me she wanted a diamond ring. ...
Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
Christmas Presents
To all those who received a book from me as a C...
What did 50cent say when Eminem made him a sweater for Christmas?
ju ju ju ju ju ju G-Unit?
I was alone, depressed and suicidal around Christmas time and decided to call the suicide prevention hotline
"Sorry but all of our employees are happily spe...
Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January?
Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot qui...
Luke got Darth Vader a Christmas Present.
Darth Vader: Luke... I know what you got me for...
Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for christmas?
He had been illumi-naughty
Why does the Pope kiss the ground when he gets off his plane?
You would too if you had to fly Alitalia.
I've just found a Christmas present for my daughter in the loft.
I'll take it up to her later.
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
"Thanks, I'll never part with it."
Exam for athletes
The following is a college entrance exam for at...
There are three married men who are friends at a christmas party.
The first man called his wife over and handed h...
What did the the black boy get for Christmas?
Your Bike...
Some people like cats and some people don't.
Apparently the Pope's a cataholic.
What happens when a pope dies?
Another pops up.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't un...
Bob knows a lot of people
Bob's a factory worker, and one day, the boss i...
There once was an Irishman who got so drunk while he was in Rome that he kissed his wife...
...and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a co...
Why didn't the Christmas Cake go to the dance?
He had his raisins...