YOU KNOW NO ONE LOVES YOU IF...

- The pet cat got better food than you did.
- Your parents told you about strange men giving away sweets and to go and
find as many of them as possible.
- You play "hide & seek" with your Mother and she hides in another town.
- Your parents take you to an orphanage and tell you to mingle.
- Your parents told you about the magic money box in the cupboard where you
can hide your pocket money, and - you've since found out it was the coin-op
electric meter.
- You had to share your sandbox with the cat.
- You always got your weekly allowance in Traveler's Checks.
- Your folks threw a "going-into-the-Army" party when you were only three
years old.
- You run away, and the family can't give the Police an accurate description.
- You kept getting left beside the monkey enclosure at the zoo.
- You were always stood-up at the Father-Son banquet held at the local
Church.
- Kidnappers send back a piece of your ear and your parents demand more
proof before they pay any ransom.
- When you were born, your Father gave out old cigar butts.
- Your parents encourage you to fish in shark infested waters.
- As a baby, your Father threw you in the air and walked away.
- You find out your Mother is nursing another baby on the side.
- Your tub toys included a toaster shaped like a rubber duck.