Windows of Alabama

Subject: WINDOWS 98 RECALL It has come to our attention that a
few copies of the Alabama edition of windows 98 may have
accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of
the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the
commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at
the opening screen.


It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee
super imposed on a Confederate flag.
It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse,
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption,
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys,
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard,
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are
them little ole plastic disc thangs.


Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a
garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff at does stuff
documents = stuff I done done


Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or
punctuation marks.


Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98 :
tiperiter...........A word processor
colering book.......a graphics program
addin mershene......calculator
scratch paper ......notepad
jupe-box ...........CD Player
inner-net...........Microsoft Explorer
pichers.............A graphics viewer
IRS.................M/S accounting software
IRS2................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog............American kennel club records
fishin..............Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA.................National Rifle Association
shot gun ...........Remington Arms price list
riffel..............Winchester price list
pisstel.............Smith & Wesson price list
truck...............Ford & Chevrolet dealers in KY by zip code
house...............Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car ................same as truck
cuzzins.............family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records.........usually an empty file
shells..............ammunition inventory another 3 meg file
bud.................list of Budweiser sellers by zip code
racin...............NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV
stations that carry the races
car n truck Parts...nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc ................veterinarians by zip code


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a
copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for
a replacement version.