Two men are talking about their friend...

Jerry: That Alan's a right wanker isn't he?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: Remember that time when he bought a tub of butter and smeared it on himself?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he pissed in the neighbours yard?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he made himself look like a right twat on the karaoke?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he spray painted a penis on his neighbours car?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he hit that guy because he beat him at darts?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he hit that guy because he beat him at pool?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he nicked £40 out of that woman's purse?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And you remember that time when he got his dog to shit on the landlords doorstep?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time we caught him cheating on his wife?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time when he offered us a lift and left us 20 miles away from home?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that phase where he acted like Jeremy Clarkson?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he lambasted a woman in the middle of the street?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And the time when he won £500 on the accumulator and spent it all on booze and drugs?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And those times where he flashed at the pub?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time he claimed he had no money to give to that bum and then went inside and bought some chewing gum?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: And that time which he claimed the boss was scared of his rapid progression through the company, when instead he was sacked for being a complete tosspot?

Paul: Yeah, haha

Jerry: Yeah, what a wanker.