Two jokes involving the same pot-smoking monkey

**Pot-Smoking Monkey Joke #1:**

So, there's this monkey smoking a joint in a tree in the jungle with his little lizard buddy. The lizard says, "Ooh wee! This is some good shit! My mouth is dry is a hell. Imma run down to the pond and get a drink."

The lizard climbs down the tree, scurries over to the pond and starts drinking as fast as he can. While he's drinking, a crocodile pops his head up out of the pond. He sees the lizard gulping down water and asks, "Whoa, man. Why you drinking that water so fast?" "Well," the lizard explains, "I was up in that tree smoking a joint with my monkey friend and it gave me some killer cotton-mouth."

The croc thinks for a second and says, "So, this monkey, is he cool? You think he'd let me smoke too?" "Oh yeah, sure!" says the lizard, "He's a real cool guy. I'm sure he wouldn't care."

So, the crocodile climbs up the tree and says to the monkey, "Hey, pass that shit my way." The stoned monkey stares at him for several seconds before saying, "Jesus man, how much water did you drink?!"

**Pot-Smoking Monkey Joke #2:**

So, our monkey friend is back in his tree, at it again. This time he's smoking a blunt by himself, when suddenly a rabbit jumps up the tree and kicks the blunt out his mouth.

"What are you doing?!" the rabbit shouts happily, "Look at yourself! You are a monkey is the jungles of Africa! You are as free as it gets! You don't need *marijuana* to feel good! Come run through the jungle with me and experience life to it's fullest!"

The monkey nods his head agreeing, "Yeah, let's do this!"

Now the rabbit and monkey are running together through the jungle when they come across a giraffe getting drunk on whiskey. The rabbit jumps up really high and knocks the bottle out of the giraffe's mouth.

"You don't need alcohol, giraffe!" the rabbit exclaims, "You're a wild animal in the jungle! This is as good as life gets! Forget that stuff and join me and my monkey friend running through the jungle, experiencing life!"

"Yeah!' the giraffe says, "I don't need this! Let's do it!"

Now the three of them are running freely when the come across a lion who is about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit karate-kicks the needle out of the lion's paw and says, "Hey, lion! Look at yourself! You dont..."

*SLAM!*

In one swift movement, the lion brings down his claws and smashes the rabbit to death.

After a second of stunned silence, the monkey asks, "What the fuck was that about?!"

The lion says, "I'm just fucking sick of it! Every time that rabbit gets a little coked up, suddenly he's all 'Oh you don't need that! Come run through the jungle with me!'"