True Insurance Claims

True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These are NEW (mostly), and were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas magazine.


"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."


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"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."


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Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?


A: Traveled by bus?


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This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:


Q - What warning was given by you?


A - Horn


Q - What warning was given by the other party?


A - Moo


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"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."


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"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."


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"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."


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"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"


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"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."


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Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?


A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.


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"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."


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"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."


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"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"


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"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."


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"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."


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"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"


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"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"


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"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"


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"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."


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"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not seethe other car."


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"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."


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"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."


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"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."


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"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."


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"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."