The Top 20 Signs Your List Moderator is Getting Old

20. Now edits the list using only a Kraftmatic Adjustable Bed and The Clapper.


19. Ambience - Steve & Edie


18. Send your submissions in by 4 pm and receive the Early Bird Special.


17. He sits through "Jurassic Park" shaking his head, mumbling, "No, that's not how it was at all..."


16. Wants to replace daily TOP5 humor list with daily TOP5 senior citizen discount list.


15. Today's topic? "Top 5 Retirement Homes for Top 5 List Moderators."


14. Every Monday, the same topic: "Top 5 Ways to Get Those Damn Kids Off of My Lawn!"


13. Keeps trying to trade ad space on Top5 list for free meals at Denny's.


12. Today's Topic: "Top 5 Signs Your Local Girlscout Leader is a Humorless Old Bag" (Oops! That's a sign your list moderator is getting *bold*.)


11. Power hungry contributors, forseeing an upcoming retirement, attempt to popularize themselves by organizing brown-nose birthday surprises.


10. Ninth "Matlock" topic this month.


9. Yesterday's list had its left turn signal on for 6 hours.


8. Stops using Viagra jokes in his lists because they just hit too close to home, if you know what I mean.


7. Ninth #1 in a row for new contributor Angela Lansbury.


6. Fondly remembers the old days when they distributed the Top5 List via coded jungle drums.


5. One day he's convinced himself that his cubicle job is temporary; the next day he's getting a gold watch and a Xerox of his naked buttocks at his retirement party.


4. New hair... and you ain't exactly in puberty, Chester.


3. Yesterday: A bright young man with dreams of becoming one of the Internet's best comedy list moderators, because if he can bring a smile to just one person's face every day, then he's done his job.


Today: Just old and bitter.


2. Have you noticed there's no Top 5 Lists skewering the AARP? Coincidence? I think not.


1. "Top 5 Signs You're Losing Your Memor... umm... Top 5 Signs...."