The Top 16 Things TopFive Contributors Have to Be Thankful For


16> Auto mechanics who don't ask how the barbecue sauce got into my engine oil.


15> Suppression of our e-mail addresses means we're not constantly inundated by messages from humor-starved supermodels.


14> After memorizing those funny hurricane names, I'm always the life of the party!


13> Despite the revenue hit Chris has taken with the drop in Internet advertising, he still only charges us $2,500 a year to be contributors.


12> We only need to be half as funny as the Top Ten writers.


11> If it weren't for TopFive, I would never get laid. Come to think of it, I never get laid anyway, but at least with TopFive, I can hold on to the false hope.


10> That all the dates from hell I endure will make a great chapter in my eventual VH-1 biography.


9> At long last, the glorious return of Alf to television!


8> Soft summer rains, the musical laugh of a child... and Britney Spears getting sluttier by the minute.


7> With all the valuable skills I'm learning, one day I, too, might become President of the United States.


6> The Statute of Limitations.


5> Well, you know that feeling of exhilaration combined with relief that you get when you pop a big fat zit?


4> Mom's three jobs and arthritis won't stop her from cooking up a 27-course feast and serving it to me on the couch so I don't have to miss any football.


3> J.Lo took that needy, clingy Ben Affleck off my hands.


2> Chris always fixes hour spelling, grammer and punctuation so, we dont look stupid.


1> I'm thankful that I live in a great nation where I can still disagree with the government without fear of the Homeland Security DepartIPpa*)#^%#8000 NO CARRIER

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