Bah Humbug Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed


He cussed out the elves and threw down his list


Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks


I have good mind to scrap the whole works


I've busted my ass for damn near a year


Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear


The old lady bitches cause I work late at night


The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight


Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids


Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS


And just when I thought that things would get better


Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter


They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny


Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money


And the kids these days - they all are the pits


They want the impossible ...Those mean little shits


I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds


Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads


I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them


They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!


If you think that's bad...just picture this


Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss


They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard


And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird


Flying through the air...dodging the trees


Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees


I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment


I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment


There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason


I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!!