The Top 15 Things Celebrities Are Giving Up for Lent

15> Siegfried and Roy -- pork chop codpieces


14> Courtney Love -- sobriety


13> Godzilla -- Atkins' lo-carb, high-people diet


12> Boston Red Sox fans -- all hope


11> Rush Limbaugh -- painkillers... ah, who am I kidding? Can you score me anything?


10> Calista Flockhart -- those decadent mini-rice cakes with celery


9> Michael Jackson -- the lost puppy trick


8> Ashton Kutcher -- having random truckers beaten up for their wardrobe


7> Janet Jackson -- shameless, transparent, manufactured attempts to revive her dying career through cross-platform promotion on vehicles owned by the parent company of her record label in order for them to recoup some of the losses suffered from signing her to an insane $80 million contract in 1996


6> Pete Best -- repeatedly slapping self on forehead


5> Pope John Paul II -- drag-racing the popemobile on Saturday nights down at the Colosseum


4> Howard Dean -- delusions of grandeur


3> Mel Gibson -- bagels and kosher dill pickles


2> Gollum -- heroin... er... um... I mean my preciousss!


1> Justin Timberlake -- using "biology malfunction" as an excuse for impotence


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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]