The Top 15 Signs You Have a Gambling Problem

15. Your attempt to sweet-talk your wife by comparing her eyes to "two oranges and a cherry" fails dismally.

14. Who knew you'd lose your shirt betting Bruce would go bald before Demi?

13. It's not that you bet on the Australians to win; it's that you bet on the America's Cup in the first place!

12. You wagered against Ellen being gay... Double or nothing on Wolfe Blitzer!

11. Ceasar's Palace sends a limo to pick you up - and you live in Bushville, Indiana.

10. Although uncredited, you were in more scenes of "Leaving Las Vegas" than Nicolas Cage.

9. Strong desire to have sex with Keith Richards and/or Courtney Love.

8. Every night during "Wheel of Fortune," you scream, "Screw the vowels, spin the damn wheel!!"

7. You bet "yes" on whether or not your suicide attempt will be successful.

6. Every year you have to get a goofy haircut because you lose the bet about being elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

5. You're the proud inventor of a do-it-yourself gold filling extractor.

4. When your 12-year old complains about conditions in the mines, you retort, "Try slaving over a hot craps table all day, kid!"

3. That stack of lottery tickets in your shirt pocket is thick enough to stop a bullet.

2. Donald's newest casino: The Trump Taj MaLarry.

Your name: Larry.

1. When someone spins a lazy Susan, you slap a C-note on the counter and yell, "Creamed corn, baby, come on!"

[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]

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