The Top 15 Signs Santa's Elves Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out (Part I)

15> Five minutes into the Christmas Eve flight, it becomes apparent someone Ex-Laxed the reindeer's feed.


14> More and more break room discussions about joining the military -- especially after Legolas' e-mail detailing the primo tail that the boys in archery are scoring.


13> Too many elves are spending their lunch hour huddled around the bong-assembly line.


12> The wheels on the latest batch of toy trucks look suspiciously like last year's leftover Barbie heads.


11> Children start receiving gifts like "Chainsaw Massacre Legos," "Transgendered Raggedy Ann/dy" and "Melted Mass of Crayons."


10> Them ain't Lincoln Logs on the conveyor belt.


9> After just one hour, a shaken Tony Robbins emerges from his North Pole "Unleash the Power Within" seminar, quietly gives Santa a refund, then wishes him luck and leaves.


8> They're *all* scheduled to appear on Dr. Phil December 26th.


7> Toy rifle production had to be out-sourced to a South Korean ClausCo subsidiary after a rash of devastating workplace corking rampages.


6> Frequent nooners in the reindeer stalls.


5> No longer enthusiastically participating in Hawaiian Shirt Fridays.


4> Let's just say that Santa's gonna be looking for a new ride when he finds out the truth about the venison stew for this year's holiday party.


3> The toy trains? Nothing but salami and duct tape.


2> This year's hot new toy: the Amazing, Incredible Rough-Hewn Block of Wood!


1> "Hello? FBI? I have information about that grandma who got run over."


[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]