The Top 14 Speech Lines Written by Us, Top5, for You, Al Gore

14> "The main reason I invented the Internet was to distribute my previous invention: pornography!"


13> "Just call me Al, the happy President-to-be who makes jokes and solves political problems."


12> "I'm so glad to be here in Iowa, because it was here that I invented corn."


11> "I have here in my pocket today's Top 5 List."


10> "Together, let us cross that bridge into the 21st Century built by my worthy predecessor, and open up a can of whup-ass on the blues! Band, hit me one time!"


9> "I gotta tell ya folks... I just got finished inventing the Internet, and boy are my arms tired!"


8> "It's the economy, Chester!"


7> "Some of my best ideas come to me when I'm driving around your beautiful city of Toledo, listening to the radio."


6> "People of America, I KISS YOU!!!!!!!"


5> "The world today is at a crossroads; down one path are problems like fleebellism, shwarnicles, and popoputputs; and down the other path are my speech writers who borrow material from the Internet without proofreading it."


4> "Here's the thing that puzzles me: I have 4 kids, but Tipper and I have only had sex twice."


3> "It's unconscionable that, in this age of high-tech communication, I can't put on a long, flowing gown, go out to the Rose Garden, run barefoot and writhe around in the grass, just because I feel pretty."


2> "Four-score and seven years ago... Hey, that reminds me: Did I mention I invented Lincoln Logs?!"


1> "You want excitement? Go to Bosnia.


You want a Chief Executive, come to Daddy."


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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]