The Top 14 Signs You're Caught Up in the Holiday Shopping Frenzy

14. Before stepping out of your car, you put in a mouthpiece, slip on protective goggles, and tape your ankles.


13. You've somehow convinced yourself that "Visa burn" entitles you to park in handicapped spaces.


12. You call the kids to dinner and hear their muffled screams coming from boxes you wrapped that afternoon.


11. At 95% off, you don't care if that Acme Iron Lung works or not -- your kids are going to use it and appreciate it!


10. Sure, the sign says "1 Furby per customer", but they're probably not doing body cavity searches.


9. The bank has replaced your Platinum Visa with a one-of-a-kind Plutonium Visa.


8. On any given day, you have more plastic on you than Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson Lee combined.


7. In an effort to please your 5-year-old, you trade your 2-year-old for a Furby.


6. Upon awakening on the sofa, you discover 10 beer empties, 5 Cheetoh bags, and an answering machine message thanking you for your order of 100 Dale Earnhardt Hummel Figures


5. The producer of "American Gladiators" calls after seeing you fight for the last Furby on CNN.


4. Just too busy shopping to fact-check your NY Times article.


3. Currently spending more time at "Amazon.com" than at "AmazonWomen.com"


2. Your MasterCard bill arrives on a Zip disk.


1. You hike up your skirt in front of the Toys 'R' Us manager, and in a throaty moan utter, "Wanna trade Furbies?"


[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]


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