These are doctors' notes on patients' charts: (Actual notes- unedited!)
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began
seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband,I thought you might like
to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.(Ouch!)
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life, until
she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.