13. And the empire of the Great Nerd of the West shall crumble, when the thinking machines are destroyed by two millenniums of insects.
12. The Anti-Christ will lose in personal combat with a small purple purse-carrying being with a triangle on its head.
11. The Empire of the Right shall be led by a simpleton who knoweth not the spelling of the fruits of the earth.
10. Women will take fitness advice from a hyperactive frizzy-haired man of questionable heterosexuality.
9. A man made of wood will lead the great nation of the eagle.
8. Devastation, fire, sword, pillage befalls the Elephant and the two-faced cow known as Linda.
7. In a town known as Slidell, in a place called Louisiana, in a country designated the United States, there will be an eatery referred to as Taco Bell, that will eventually fill a drive-thru order correctly.
6. The one-gloved king of the land known as Pop will form an unholy union with a particularly naughty chimpanzee.
5. A child will repeatedly conquer death, and his name shall be Kenny.
4. Joy and happiness reign supreme as five billion people realize they'll never again have to listen to a much-despised song by an ex-Prince.
3. Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win!
2. A giant, fiery ball will drop from the skies onto the Square of Times in the New City of York, causing much screaming and wailing.
1. As the new millennium approaches, morons will cry out and hoard large quantities of food.
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