13. You don't look anything like Mary and Joseph.
12. No one else in the family is white, except for Uncle Jacko and his wife.
11. Unlike everyone else in your backwoods, redneck, trailer-park family, it is your ambition to become the President of the United States.
10. No one else in your nomadic tribe seems to share your love of collecting Beanie Babies.
9. The way your dad always says, "Aye, you've a bonney wee Afro, m'lad."
8. You think Kathie Lee's REAL children would have to turn out 200 blouses per hour?
7. Your dad: astronomy professor at M.I.T.
You: Almost starved to death when you got a cue ball stuck in your mouth.
6. Your family celebrates your graduation from high school by butcherin' a hog and tappin' the still.
5. Sober, monogamous, and a Kennedy? Hmmm...
4. Your dad, Mr. Hawking, shows little if any enthusiasm for your burgeoning career as a pro wrestler.
3. You bear an uncanny resemblance to the President of the United States, but hell, so do a lot of kids in Arkansas.
2. Your brothers, Alec, Billy, Daniel and Steven, also work in film, but you're the one who manages a Fotomat.
1. You: All-State linebacker Your father: President of Microsoft
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