The Top 13 Surprise Oscar Nominations

13. Best Supporting Performance -- (TIE) Catherine Zeta Jones's bra in "The Mask of Zorro" and Salma Hayek's bra in "54"


12. Dan Quayle Continuing-Butt-Of-The-Joke Award -- Pauly Shore


11. Best Use of a "Beard" -- Tom Cruise


10. Best Endorsement of Button-Fly Jeans -- Ben Stiller, "There's Something About Mary"


9. Best Attempt to Convince the Public That *Anyone* Actually Watches MSNBC -- "Deep Impact"


8. Excessive Perkiness Most Likely to Cause Diabetes -- Meg Ryan


7. Best Exaggerated Use of Abundant Cleavage -- Jennifer Love Hewitt


6. Special Texas Chainsaw Massacre Memorial Award for Special Effects -- "Saving Private Ryan"


5. Best Ongoing Celebrity Scam -- The accountants from Price-Waterhouse are sad to report that they cannot reveal the winner in this category due to an injunction from the Church of Scientology.


4. Most Improved Appearance When Depicted as a Cartoon Insect -- Woody Allen


3. Best Performance by a Sharpei -- Walter Mathau


2. Most Successful Combination of Male Nightmares in a Movie Title -- "Shakespeare in Love"


1. Best Product Placement -- America Online in "You've Got Mail"


Best Product, um, Placement -- Ben Stiller's goo in "There's Something About Mary"


[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]


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