13> You find yourself patiently explaining to the VCR repairman that it didn't work even *before* the sledgehammer dents and bullet holes.12> You can't even spank the monkey anymore without going for the leather strap and a coat hanger.11> You bite the head off a bat -- while it's being used by Barry Bonds.10> One little mistake and you not only kick the kids out, you also cut the legs off all the snakes.9> You're the president of the Abu Ghraib chapter of the Buford Pusser Fan Club.8> You just received a pre-approved application for an al-Qaeda jihad credit card.7> You still haven't quit beating yourself up for shelling out eight bucks to see Fight Club.6> Nearly 40 years later, you're still writing threatening letters to Don Knotts for leaving The Andy Griffith Show.5> You've broken seven nails trying to get the lid off the stupid Valium bottle.4> Every time a waiter puts your glass down from the wrong side you fire a warning shot into his groin.3> You once kicked your kitten across the room for sneezing during your favorite episode of Mama's Family.2> The vein in your forehead throbs so violently, it just knocked out the man in line ahead of you.1> You were shocked to learn the folks on Trading Spaces use *tools* to make holes in walls. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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