The only joke I can ever remember.

There's a mental hospital and every weekend the patients are allowed to go home and visit their families if they are able to properly answer a question by the gate steward at the gate. One day, a man approaches the gate steward with a carrot on a piece of string.

"Morning Harvey, are you ready to go home? Just gotta answer one question". Harvey dangles his carrot on the piece of string happily: "Ask away."

"What have you got there in your hand?"
Harvey holds up the carrot on the piece of string. "What? This? It's my dog rufus. Say hello Rufus, say hello!"

The gate steward rejects him and sends him back inside for another week. The next weekend, he returns to the gate with his carrot on the piece of string.

"Are you ready to answer your question? It's really easy"
"Ask away"
"What have you got there in your hand?"

Harvey lifts up the carrot. "Not this again! I told you last week, it's my dog, Rufus!"
"Sorry Harvey". The gate steward sends him back inside.

On the third weekend, Harvey approaches the gate with a real sense of swagger, dragging his carrot along on the piece of string.

"Are you ready for your question?"
"Ready as ever. Shoot."
"What's that you've got in your hand?"

Harvey dangles the carrot. "This? It's just a stupid old carrot on a piece of string"
The gate steward claps, happy to let Harvey out. He pats him on the back as Harvey exits the mental hospital. "Have a great weekend at home Harv!"

Harvey turns the corner, walks a short distance down the street, turns to the carrot on the piece of string and says slyly, "We fooled them that time didn't we Rufus!"


[I read this joke in a book called something like "Father Someone's Jokes" when I was about 10 and it was a book compiled by a priest I think. If anyone knows the original book I'd be overjoyed!]