There once was a little sparrow who thought he was smarter than the other sparrows, and he could fly south whenever he wanted. His brethren left, but he stayed, and stayed until one day it started snowing. The little sparrow decided it was time to fly south, but he ran into a blizzard on his way.
The sparrow's wings froze, and he landed in a field on a farm. Well fuck, the little sparrow thought, I am going to die in this field.
One of the farmer's cows walks by a shits all over the little sparrow, and the little sparrow thinks, great, now I'm going to die cold and covered in shit. But, he realizes the shit is warm, and he starts to defrost! He might live after all! The little sparrow begins chirping a beautiful tune.
The farmer's cat hears the little sparrow chirping, and sees the pile of shit. The cat brushes away the shit and eats the little sparrow.
Moral of the story (tl;dr): Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. But, if you're nice and warm in your pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.